The Firm List > Work, the Wool & the Web > 001

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Life in Corporate America

You know you work in Corporate America if:

You've sat at the same desk for 4 years and worked for three different companies.
Your company welcome sign is attached with Velcro.
Your resume is on a diskette in your pocket.
The company logo on your badge is drawn on a post-it note.
When someone asks about what you do for a living, you lie.
You get really excited about a 2% pay raise.
You learn about your layoff on CNN.
Your biggest loss from a system crash is that you lose your best jokes.
Your supervisor doesn't have the ability to do your job.
You sit in a cubicle smaller than your bedroom closet.
Salaries of the members on the Executive Board are higher than all the Third World countries' annual budgets combined.
You think lunch is just a meeting to which you drive.
It's dark when you drive to and from work.
Fun is when issues are assigned to someone else.
"Communication" is something your group is having problems with.
You see a good looking person and know it is a visitor.
Free food left over from meetings is your main staple.
Weekends are those days your spouse makes you stay home.
Being sick is defined as can't walk or you're in the hospital.
Art involves a white board.
You're already late on the assignment you just got.
When 100% of your time means 20 hours.
You work 200 hours for the $100 bonus check and jubilantly say "Oh wow, thanks!"
Dilbert cartoons hang outside every cube.
Your boss' favorite lines are "when you get a few minutes", "in your spare time", "when you're freed up", and "I have an opportunity for you."
Vacation is something you roll over to next year or a check you get every January.
Your relatives and family describe your job as "works with computers".
Change is the norm.
Nepotism is encouraged.
The only reason you recognize your kids is because their pictures are hanging in your cube.
You only have makeup for fluorescent lighting.
You read this entire list and understood it.