Actual quotes from Federal employees performance evaluations:
- "Since my last report, he has reached rock bottom and has started to dig."
- "His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid
curiosity."
- "I would not allow this employee to breed."
- "This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a
definite won't be."
- "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a
rat in a trap."
- "When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change
whichever foot was previously in there."
- "He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle."
- "This young lady has delusions of adequacy."
- "She sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to
achieve them..."
- "This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts, the
better."
- "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."
- These lines are out of OER (Officer Efficiency Reports
performance appraisal for the military):
- Not the sharpest knife in the drawer...
- Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't watching...
- A room temperature IQ...
- Got a full 6pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together...
- A gross ignoramus. 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus...
- A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on...
- A prime candidate for natural deselection...
- Bright as Alaska in December...
- Onecelled organisms outscore him in IQ tests...
- Donated his brain to science before he was done using it...
- Fell out of the family tree...
- Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming...
- Has two brains; one is lost and the other is out looking for it...
- He's so dense light bends around him...
- If brains were taxed, he'd get a rebate...
- If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week...
- If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change...
- If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean...
- It's hard to believe that he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm...
- One neuron short of a synapse...
- Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled...
- Takes him 1 1/2 hours to watch 60 minutes...
- Was left on the Tilt-A-Whirl a bit too long as a baby...
- Wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead...
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