Dear Sir:
A few days ago, you phoned us about the job you applied for with
our company, and we told you that you did not get the job. However, we are
now writing to inform you that you did not get the job. We wanted to make
sure you understood that.
Sincerely,
Personnel Department
Dear Sir:
Congratulations! You got the job! That is probably what you were hoping this
letter would say. But it doesn't, because you didn't.
Sincerely,
Personnel Department
Dear Sir:
You recently applied for a position with us, but you did not get it, as we
have informed you by phone and by mail. However, we have not heard back from
you that you completely understand that you failed to get the job. Please
call or write and let us know that you realize that you are not employed by
us in any way, and never will be.
Sincerely,
Personnel Department
Dear Sir:
Please be advised that the person we hired instead of you has been promoted
to department manager, and he has asked us to inform you that, should a
position open up, he would not hire you.
Sincerely,
Personnel Department
Dear Sir:
Would you consider taking a job for less pay than we originally discussed,
even though we would never offer you such a job?
Sincerely,
Personnel Department
Dear Sir:
If it is any consolation, we feel that if we had hired you, by now we would
have been forced to let you go.
Sincerely,
Personnel Department
Dear Sir:
We are writing to find out what kind of carpeting and curtains you want in
your new office... Wait, we made a mistake. You're the wrong person. Oh,
well, we're going to go ahead and send this letter to you anyway.
Sincerely,
Personnel Department
Dear Sir:
Could you report for work first thing Monday morning, if you had a job? Just
curious.
Sincerely,
Personnel Department
Dear Sir:
While updating our file of job applications, yours was folded into a paper
airplane and was accidentally sailed out the window. Would you mind filling
out the enclosed application and mailing it back to us in the shape of an
airplane?
Sincerely,
Personnel Department
Dear Sir:
As you may have read in the newspaper, our company has been crippled by a
union strike, and we have had to call in outside, freelance help, for which
we are paying many times the normal salary. We just thought you should know
that.
Sincerely,
Personnel Department
Dear Sir:
It has come to our attention that an employee in our department has been
sending you unauthorized and inappropriate letters. We have told him not
only that he is fired but that we are hiring you in his place. He left here
in an uproar, swearing that he was "going to find (you) and crush (your)
head like a walnut." (Some of us think he said "like a peanut," but most
think he said "walnut.") If he shows up at your apartment, please explain to
him that we were just kidding; we would never hire you.
Sincerely,
Personnel Department
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