In a move to reduce labor costs within the hospital, a new
computer call-forwarding system has been implemented. The caller
will hear the following...
Hello and welcome to the mental health unit!
- If you are obsessive or compulsive press 1 repeatedly.
- If you are dependent ask someone to press 2 for you.
- If you are a multiple personality press 2, 4, 5 & 6.
- If you are paranoid, remember we know who you are, where you
are and what you want.
- If you are delusional press 7 to be transferred to the mothership.
- If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell
you what to do.
- If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter what number you
press, no one will answer.
- If you are dyslexic press 969696969.
- If you have a nervous disorder, fidget with the pound key until we answer.
- If you have short term memory loss press 8... if you have short
term memory loss press 8... if you have short term memory loss press 8...
- If you have low self esteem, hang up now. We are very busy and
don't really care all that much.