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Work, the Wool & the Web
<>  Cost Reductions

In a move to reduce labor costs within the hospital, a new computer call-forwarding system has been implemented. The caller will hear the following...

Hello and welcome to the mental health unit!

  • If you are obsessive or compulsive press 1 repeatedly.
  • If you are dependent ask someone to press 2 for you.
  • If you are a multiple personality press 2, 4, 5 & 6.
  • If you are paranoid, remember we know who you are, where you are and what you want.
  • If you are delusional press 7 to be transferred to the mothership.
  • If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you what to do.
  • If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter what number you press, no one will answer.
  • If you are dyslexic press 969696969.
  • If you have a nervous disorder, fidget with the pound key until we answer.
  • If you have short term memory loss press 8... if you have short term memory loss press 8... if you have short term memory loss press 8...
  • If you have low self esteem, hang up now. We are very busy and don't really care all that much.

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