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Work, the Wool & the Web
<>  Life in Corporate America

You know you work in Corporate America if:

  • You've sat at the same desk for 4 years and worked for three different companies.
  • Your company welcome sign is attached with Velcro.
  • Your resume is on a diskette in your pocket.
  • The company logo on your badge is drawn on a post-it note.
  • When someone asks about what you do for a living, you lie.
  • You get really excited about a 2% pay raise.
  • You learn about your layoff on CNN.
  • Your biggest loss from a system crash is that you lose your best jokes.
  • Your supervisor doesn't have the ability to do your job.
  • You sit in a cubicle smaller than your bedroom closet.
  • Salaries of the members on the Executive Board are higher than all the Third World countries' annual budgets combined.
  • You think lunch is just a meeting to which you drive.
  • It's dark when you drive to and from work.
  • Fun is when issues are assigned to someone else.
  • "Communication" is something your group is having problems with.
  • You see a good looking person and know it is a visitor.
  • Free food left over from meetings is your main staple.
  • Weekends are those days your spouse makes you stay home.
  • Being sick is defined as can't walk or you're in the hospital.
  • Art involves a white board.
  • You're already late on the assignment you just got.
  • When 100% of your time means 20 hours.
  • You work 200 hours for the $100 bonus check and jubilantly say "Oh wow, thanks!"
  • Dilbert cartoons hang outside every cube.
  • Your boss' favorite lines are "when you get a few minutes", "in your spare time", "when you're freed up", and "I have an opportunity for you."
  • Vacation is something you roll over to next year or a check you get every January.
  • Your relatives and family describe your job as "works with computers".
  • Change is the norm.
  • Nepotism is encouraged.
  • The only reason you recognize your kids is because their pictures are hanging in your cube.
  • You only have makeup for fluorescent lighting.
  • You read this entire list and understood it.

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