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The Tribe of Woolgatherers & The Firm List present
Work, the Wool & the Web
<>  Real Life Performance Evaluations

Actual quotes from Federal employees performance evaluations:

  • "Since my last report, he has reached rock bottom and has started to dig."
  • "His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity."
  • "I would not allow this employee to breed."
  • "This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definite won't be."
  • "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap."
  • "When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there."
  • "He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle."
  • "This young lady has delusions of adequacy."
  • "She sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them..."
  • "This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts, the better."
  • "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."
  • These lines are out of OER (Officer Efficiency Reports performance appraisal for the military):
  • Not the sharpest knife in the drawer...
  • Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't watching...
  • A room temperature IQ...
  • Got a full 6pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together...
  • A gross ignoramus. 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus...
  • A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on...
  • A prime candidate for natural deselection...
  • Bright as Alaska in December...
  • Onecelled organisms outscore him in IQ tests...
  • Donated his brain to science before he was done using it...
  • Fell out of the family tree...
  • Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming...
  • Has two brains; one is lost and the other is out looking for it...
  • He's so dense light bends around him...
  • If brains were taxed, he'd get a rebate...
  • If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week...
  • If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change...
  • If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean...
  • It's hard to believe that he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm...
  • One neuron short of a synapse...
  • Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled...
  • Takes him 1 1/2 hours to watch 60 minutes...
  • Was left on the Tilt-A-Whirl a bit too long as a baby...
  • Wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead...

 
 
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